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Month: August 2011

Rise of the Planet of the Apes Review

Rotpota (as we like to call it) opens in the deep jungle; where a group of apes are being hunted by men. I understand the scene closely mimics the capture of Charlton Heston in the opening of the original Planet of the Apes. If that is indeed an accurate statement, then it’s an intelligent and well thought out way of referencing what came before. An avid fan of the series notices the “shout-out” and smiles, whilst those less familiar with the franchise enjoy the scene as is. A little internet research suggests the film is littered with such nods, which is something I don’t have a problem with in theory or practice – as almost all of them went straight over my head anyway. However, it appears that the filmmakers spent more time researching such fan shout outs and finding subtle ways to incorporate them, than actually writing the film; as what is presented, once you remove the stunning special effects, has to go down as one of dullest, most pointless releases this year. The aforementioned apes are transported to a San Francisco laboratory to be experimented on. When one breaks loose and attacks the board of directors, the boss orders the whole line be exterminated. This is not good news for super scientist Will Rodman who is testing his cure for Alzheimer’s on them. Will is driven by...

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Orange Film To Go

For years, Orange have offered two for one cinema tickets on Orange Wednesdays.

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Films I saw on the plane II: This time it’s personal

As you may or may not know, a couple of months ago I flew out to Australia for a work engagement. Since I have been unable to reliably go to the cinema or buy games since (for one thing, they’re £75 a pop, and for another, there’s bugger all come out recently), I thought I would share my reviews of films I have seen, regardless of when they might have originally been released, in one-sentence  format. The Adjustment Bureau: unfairly labelled BourneCeption, it’s actually more like The Truman Matrix, with a core cast elevating an average script into a just-above-average movie. The Resident: a 70s Hammer Horror B-movie in the best and worst sense, from the second-rate cast and predictable story, to the lacklustre direction and Christopher Lee phoning it in. HallPass: An utterly unfunny film about people not having sex, which at least manages to be equally offensive to the intelligence of both its male and female audience members. Unknown: considering the incredibly predictable plot and performances, the only thing unknown about this film is why it was made in the first place. DVDs I watched recently Crank 2 High Voltage: fails to live up to the low standards set by Crank 1. Gamer: A Running Man/Blade Runner ripoff from the makers of Crank, this film is as simultaneously terrible and excellent as that sounds. Step Brothers: not...

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Captain America Review

It’s 1942 and World War II has just begun. No wait, that’s not right. Let’s start again. It’s 1942 and America has joined World War II. While his best friend James ‘Bucky’ Barnes heads off to fight the Germans, Steve Rogers finds himself rejected from every recruitment office he can sneak into (trying to enlist again, after an initial rejection, being a crime). Asthmatic, emaciated, Rogers wouldn’t put up much of fight against a hobbit, let alone the Nazis; but he’s given a break when Dr. Abraham Erskine selects him as a possible test subject for his experimental new super soldier serum. Despite flunking all the physical training thrown at him, Rogers excels at the mental tasks as well as displaying a humane, self-sacrificing nature. Anyone with a passing knowledge of the comics will not be surprised to find out that Rogers is picked as the “ideal” candidate, who then undergoes the experiment and is transformed into a perfect physical specimen. Unfortunately, before the US can churn out an army of supermen, Dr Erskine is murdered by a Nazi Spy, leavingRogersas the one and only super soldier. I can only guess that Dr Erskine was kinda lazy and didn’t make any notes? There’s still no real excuse for the rest of the US Military not to have at least demanded some form of recipe book for this wonder mix....

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